How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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