allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
