Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
