He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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