My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
