Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
