We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
