This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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