all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
