There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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