my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
