How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
