Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
