I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
