yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My ATM looks so different sober.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
