im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
