I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
