When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
