oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
