and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
