Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
