I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
