you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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