I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
