how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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