Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
