He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
