Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
