i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ladies don't puke and tell
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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