you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
