What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I had to cum in my sink.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
