I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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