are you still at the devil's house?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
