thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
