I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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