Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
