we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
