she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
