He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just want to make out with him forever
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
