Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
