I think my vagina is haunted
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
