I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
