I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
