My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
