You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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