So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
