And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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