peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
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The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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