It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
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Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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