I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
