Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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