every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
