I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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