I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize