Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
