Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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