Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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