Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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