some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
