someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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