I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
