Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
