so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
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I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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