Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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