okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
