took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
