Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
