I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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